Officemate Page 8

  “She took a half day to go to the dentist.”

  Damn Alice and her teeth. Now my ass really was on the line. “Fine. I will go get your precious espresso, but don’t doubt for one minute that I’ll be filing a grievance via the proper channels,” I hissed.

  Thorn had the audacity to grin. “You make sure you do that.”

  MOTHERFUCKER. After I whirled around, I started stalking out of his office.

  “Oh, Ms. Flannery?” he called.

  I fought the urge to reply, Yes, Satan? Instead, I slowly pivoted around. “Yes, Mr. Callahan?”

  “I would offer you some cash, but I’m sure you’ll want a receipt to corroborate your story.”

  Smug bastard. Of course I wanted a receipt, and of course I planned to put it with my grievance. I hated that he had the ability to read my mind; it made it hard to maintain any ground with him. Well, sometimes he could read my mind—obviously, if he were fully psychic, he would have busted me for the underhanded shit I’d been doing to him.

  I gave a nod of my head before turning back around and sprinting out the door. After I stopped by my office for my purse, I hopped on the elevator. When I jabbed the button for the lobby, the woman behind me snickered.

  “Tough day, huh?”

  “You could say that.”

  “Trust me, I’ve been there.”

  The commiseration was nice, but at the same time, I inwardly groaned at my behavior. I mean, when had I sunk so low as to act like a petulant toddler by taking my frustrations out on an elevator button? That was somewhat of a rhetorical question since I knew exactly why I was acting the way I was. It was all because the devil incarnate had usurped me at my job and was hell-bent on driving me batshit crazy.

  While it pained me to admit it, I really, really wanted to hurt Thorn Callahan, and that in itself was unnerving because I normally wasn’t a violent person. Back home in Georgia, I was constantly stopping my car to help wayward turtles in the middle of the road. I’d even been known to put spiders outside rather than squishing them.

  Ugh, the man was driving me absolutely insane, and it had only been three weeks. How was I possibly going to make it a year to eighteen months with him? As I pushed through the doors of the Starbucks, I found myself actually contemplating the thought of changing companies, but I really didn’t want to go that route. It wasn’t that I couldn’t have found another job, but more about the fact that I loved the Callahan Corporation, which had been home to me for so many years.

  After I placed my order for Satan’s precious espresso, I started shuffling around in the bottom of my purse for my debit card, and I finally found it hiding under a bottle of dog laxatives. After I handed the card to the barista, my gaze once again fell inside my purse, more specifically on the bottle.

  You see, it wasn’t normal for me to have dog laxatives rolling around in the bottom of my purse. Dani was known to suffer from constipation from time to time, which the vet assured me was part of living the city dog life. I hadn’t meant to bring them with me that day. When I was raking stuff off the kitchen counter and into my purse, I thought I’d swept up a bottle of Midol.

  At that moment, a truly devious idea entered my mind. It was so heinous that I actually sucked in an agonized breath upon realizing I’d actually thought it. I even went so far as to glance left and right to make sure no one was staring at me in fear. I don’t know why I thought someone could suddenly have the ability to read my mind, but if they did, I would be in big trouble.

  I could almost imagine the expressions of horror on their faces, as well as the dialogue that might take place.

  “That seemingly normal-looking chick right there? She’s debating putting dog laxatives in her boss’s coffee.”

  “Damn, that’s cold.”

  “Forget cold—it’s downright psychotic. If she keeps gobbling up the cuckoo puffs, she’ll be rocking a straight-jacket down in Bellevue.”

  “I dunno, bosses can be epic pricks. He probably deserves a lengthy ride on the porcelain chariot.”

  “Espresso for Isabel.” I jumped out of my thoughts at the sound of my name being called.

  “Uh, yeah, that’s me. Thank you.” After tucking my head to my chest, I refused to look at anyone else as I made my way out of the store.

  During the trek back to the building, the good and evil sides of my mind were entrenched in raging warfare. I was front and center in my own potential Shakespearian tragedy. To laxative or not laxative—that was the question. My true motive wasn’t just about payback for Thorn being such a dick; it was more about the fact that he had stolen my job.

  In the midst of it all, I once again thought back to the previous night when I was watching Nine to Five. More precisely, I thought about the scene where after a mix-up with some boxes, Violet accidentally spikes her boss’s coffee with rat poison. Thankfully, a malfunctioning office chair leads him to fall and hit his head before he can drink the coffee, which also leads to hilarity ensuing in the office.

  But this was real life we were talking about. I wasn’t sure what the professional ramifications would be for lacing your boss’s coffee with dog laxatives. There had been no mention of anything like that in my business ethics courses in either my undergraduate or graduate studies. I had a feeling if anything like that had ever taken place, it wouldn’t be documented…well, maybe in court records.

  For my own self-preservation, I knew it was important to remember I wasn’t trying to kill Thorn. Although there were times I wanted to physically hurt him, I would have never done anything to truly harm him. In the end, I was probably doing him a favor. Everyone could benefit from a good bowel cleaning out from time to time. At that moment, I could’ve cued the He’s so full of shit argument as well.

  I also knew from personal experience that nothing too horrendous was going to happen to him. Just how did I know this? For starters, it was nothing but natural ingredients like olive and fish oil, pumpkin, and yogurt. Secondly, I had used it on Dani, and nothing bad had happened to her—that is if you didn’t consider an epic colon blow bad.

  I’d gotten halfway up the block when I suddenly ducked into a Duane Reade. What was I doing in a pharmacy? I’d watched enough episodes of crime TV to know if anything was discovered about the coffee being tampered with, they could pull the security tapes at Starbucks and at work. The last thing I needed was to be on video going into a bathroom with Thorn’s coffee.

  Keeping my head low, I hurried to the back of the store where the restrooms were. Thankfully, when I got inside, I found myself alone. After locking myself into one of the stalls, I set the coffee down on the back of the toilet. Surprise filled me when I found my hands were shaking slightly.

  After screwing open a capsule, my hand hovered over the cup as I felt my professional life hover over a figurative cliff. Assuring myself there was no way possible to detect dog laxatives in a human blood test, I flicked my wrist, and it was done. Since the human digestive system is different than a canine’s, I emptied another capsule for good measure.

  “You’re so going to hell for this,” I muttered as I swished the espresso around to stir the contents. I recapped the cup before flushing the remaining capsules down the toilet, and then I wrapped the bottle in toilet paper before pushing it to the bottom of the stall’s trash pile.

  As I walked the remaining distance back to the office, it felt like I was carrying a bomb rather than a cup of coffee. When I got back up on our floor, I drew in a breath to prepare to face Thorn.

  I gave a quick knock on the door before he called for me to enter. When he saw it was me, he rolled his eyes. “Jesus, did you go to the Starbucks ten blocks from here?”

  “No, I went to the one just down the street,” I replied as I handed him the espresso.

  “Well, it took you fucking forever. I might as well have ordered an iced coffee.” When he took a sip, I leaned forward on my toes. I didn’t dare blink or breathe. After Thorn swallowed, he glanced at me. “It’s good,” he pronounced.
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br />   I exhaled the breath I’d been holding in one long wheeze. “I’m glad to hear that.” Actually, I was glad to hear there wasn’t any bitter taste from the laxatives.

  I thought I saw a momentary flicker of regret in his eyes, but it quickly passed.

  “I suppose you’re waiting on a thank you?”

  Aaaand just like that, any regret I might have had went straight out the window. He deserved every moment of the impending porcelain scourge.

  I plastered a sweet smile on my face. “I wouldn’t dare expect you to be grateful for someone going above and beyond to do you a favor.”

  The corners of his lips quirked. “Thank you, Ms. Flannery.”

  Okay, I wasn’t expecting that response. “You’re welcome.”

  When I stood there for a moment, he motioned to the paperwork before us. “Would you like to get back to work so we can be prepared to leave for dinner on time?”

  In the blink of an eye, Thorn waved his asshole wand and the bastard reappeared. Even so, I remained professional. “There’s nothing I would love to do more.”

  After Thorn nodded his head, I turned on my heels and tried not to stomp out of the room. I hope you shit yourself senseless.

  Chapter Ten: Isabel

  After I left Thorn’s office in a huff, I’d like to say I coolly and calmly sat back and waited for the laxatives to work their magic and exact my revenge, but by now, I’m sure you know there’s nothing cool and calm about me in stressful situations.

  By the time I got back to my office, I was in full panic mode. I couldn’t focus on any of the files before me. I kept pacing around the room, nibbling on my nails. Finally, I realized I needed a voice of a reason and comfort. Since it didn’t feel safe to talk in the office, I grabbed my phone before heading out of the building.

  Once I got outside, I walked as far down the block as I could, as if the closer I stayed to the building, the easier it might be for someone to listen in on my call. Oh yeah, I was completely out there.

  After I dialed Mila, I anxiously waited for her to pick up. When she finally answered, I sighed with relief. “Hey, it’s me.”

  “Hey, you. I’m not used to phone calls in the middle of the day.”

  I was sure she was somewhat surprised as we usually only texted during work. “Yeah, I felt like it was easier to call you than text.”

  “Where are you?”

  “Um, on a street corner outside my building.”

  “Please tell me you haven’t gone full-on Pretty Woman and started working street corners to find a man,” Mila teased.

  I rolled my eyes. “No. That’s not it at all.”

  “Then what the hell is going on?”

  “I did something terrible.”

  “I’m pretty sure you couldn’t have done anything worse than Thorn flashing a dick at a Mormon.”

  “No. It’s infinitely worse.”

  “Okay, Belle. I’m not going to lie—your voice is scaring me a little. Why don’t you take a few deep breaths?” After following Mila’s instructions, I felt a little less crazy. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”

  “So Thorn was being this big dick about not being able to get through the files he needed to before tonight’s dinner meeting without some coffee, but he didn’t want coffee from the break room. He demanded I go to Starbucks for him since his secretary was out at the dentist and even though I should have said no—”

  “I’m going to need you to get to the point.”

  I sucked in a ragged breath. “I put some of Dani’s dog laxatives in Thorn’s coffee,” I whispered.

  “Wait, what? I didn’t hear that last part.”

  Silently, I cursed New York drivers for their honking horns and screeching tires that drowned out my confession. “I said I put some of Dani’s dog laxatives in Thorn’s coffee,” I repeated a little louder.

  The next sound I heard was Mila’s hysterical laughter. When she finally caught her breath, she panted, “Oh my God, you didn’t!”

  “Yes. Yes, I did.”

  “Holy shit, Belle. That is epic—like, I didn’t know you had something so devious inside of you.”

  I pinched my eyes shut in dismay. “Me either.”

  “I seriously have tears running down my face right now.”

  “I’m glad you think it’s so funny,” I lamented.

  “Don’t you find it fucking hilarious?”

  “Right now I’m in such a paranoid, freak-out state that I’m debating confessing to him in case he needs to get his stomach pumped.

  Mila snorted. “You gave him dog laxatives, not antifreeze.”

  “What if he’s allergic to one of the ingredients and has a fatal reaction? I’m pretty sure you don’t come back from killing your boss in the corporate world. Do you think it would be a lesser conviction like manslaughter?”

  “First of all, if it’s the same ones I give Drogo, it has like pumpkin, mineral oil, and some psyllium—nothing life-threatening, so there’s no way you’re going to be charged with manslaughter or anything like that.”

  “What if he has a pumpkin allergy and goes into anaphylactic shock?”

  I could almost hear Mila’s eye roll through the phone. “Uh, I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of anyone with gourd-specific allergies.”

  “Maybe I should Google it. Then I can be on the lookout for any symptoms.”

  “If that would make you feel better and/or quit acting like a paranoid freak, go for it.”

  “I can’t help who I am,” I protested.

  “Belle, I’m pretty sure the worst thing that’s going to happen to Thorn is an epic dump.”

  “You think so?”

  “Well, you and I can vouch for it since we’ve both seen the insanity that came out of our dogs when we gave it to them.”

  I wrinkled my nose as I remembered my last experience with the laxatives. “I guess you’re right.”

  “I know I’m right. Now get a hold of yourself and get back to work. For the love of God and everything that is holy, do NOT go confessing anything to Thorn.”

  “Okay, I won’t.”

  “You promise? Even if he streaks past your office to hit the john?”

  “He has a bathroom in his office, but yes, I still promise.”

  “You’re still going to be a freak and stalk him today, aren’t you?”

  Damn. She really did know me too well. “Most of my stalking of Thorn will occur at our early dinner meeting with clients.”

  “You’re impossible. Just don’t act weird.”

  “Easier said than done,” I muttered as I reluctantly started back toward the building.

  Chapter Eleven: Thorn

  After the “cock seen round the world” episode, I threw myself into my job. My new work ethic was also inspired by a closed-door meeting with Murray about what had gone wrong, in which I didn’t act like a pussy and place the blame elsewhere. It was my fault for not checking the files like I should have even in the short amount of time I had. While Murray was grateful I’d managed to somehow save the day, he’d cited many issues he saw with my performance. Since I hated being reprimanded, I vowed to not let it happen again.

  That was why I knew how important the Halliwell meeting was. It was my chance to right some of the wrongs, to show everyone I really did belong in my position—that I deserved to be vice president even if I didn’t necessarily want or like the job. I needed to wow the hell out of them to make it happen.

  The one area where I wasn’t making any headway was my attraction to Isabel. You would think making a woman absolutely despise you would somehow turn you off—oh no. It just stoked the fire burning within me. Every snarl of her lip, every roll of her eyes, every frustrated huff made me even hornier, if that was even possible.

  I wanted to bite that snarling lip. I wanted her eyes to roll back in her head because of the pleasure I was giving her. I wanted her to huff in frustration as I held her back from coming.

  Yes, I was in deep shit with no end in sight.
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br />   When Isabel sashayed into my office after lunch, I groaned inwardly. Okay, so maybe I was exaggerating a little on the alleged sway of her hips. Maybe it’s just how I wanted to imagine it in my mind. Most likely, she was more stalking into my office than seductively swaying.

  “I wanted to check in to see how things were going on your end.”

  “They’re fine.”

  “Would you like to run through the presentation?”

  I nodded. “That would be great.”

  After we went through everything I planned to discuss with Halliwell, it was time to recheck the figures. As Isabel hovered over me to eye the screen, the curve of her breast rubbed against my shoulder. At the same time, the floral scent of her perfume filled my nostrils.

  Jesus, she was way too close. With just a flick of my wrist, I could have fingered the hem of her skirt and trailed it up her thigh. I could have then slid my hand between her legs to touch the one physical part of her that was still a mystery to me.

  When my cock began to tent my pants, I shifted in my chair to shield it from Isabel’s eyes. Fuck. This was so very, very bad. Since out of sight and out of mind was best, I had to get her out of my office—the farther away from me the better.

  When an idea popped into my mind, I immediately acted on it. “If I’m going to get through the rest of this, I’m going to need some strong coffee.”

  When I stared up at Isabel pointedly, fury momentarily burned in her eyes before she plastered on a smile. “I believe I showed you where the break room is last week, but if you’ve forgotten, it’s down the hall and then take two lefts.”

  Yeah, that would make perfect sense if I weren’t sporting wood at the moment. I needed her gone to have a moment for both my dick and myself to cool off. “I want an espresso from Starbucks.”

  She crossed her arms over her fantastic tits, causing me to inwardly groan again. “Then you’re going to need to take the elevator and go down the block.”

  Okay, the current course wasn’t working. It was time to crank up the assholery. “How much plainer do I need to make this, Ms. Flannery? I want a Venti espresso from Starbucks, and you’re going to get it for me.”