The Proposal Page 5

  Aidan’s chin trembled. “I swear to God and all that’s holy I wish I could take it back,” he whispered.

  He reached out for her hand, but Jenny appeared with their salads. Emma’s emotions suddenly switched gears, and she felt terrible that their outward animosity had scared the other waitress off. For a few minutes, they didn’t speak. It seemed too much had transpired between them to say anything else. By the time Emma had daintily cut her lettuce, drizzled on her dressing, and taken a bite, Aidan had scarfed down his entire salad.

  Emma’s fork paused in midair at the sight of his fingers plunging in and out of his mouth. His tongue licked and sucked off every last bit of dressing. Assaulted with memories, her body trembled as she remembered what those fingers and that tongue felt like. Feeling enflamed, she tried looking anywhere but his delicious mouth. What is wrong with you? The last thing on earth you should be thinking about is sex with Aidan! The hormonal pregnancy roller coaster ride she was on seemed hell bent on careening off on a sex crazed course.

  When he met her gaze, his hollowed cheeks flushed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to act like such a caveman.”

  “N-No, it’s okay. I’m glad to see you eating so well. You’re obviously very hungry.”

  He gazed up at her through his long lashes. “But too stubborn to admit it, right?”

  She swallowed her bite of salad. “You never can admit what you should,” she said softly.

  “I know,” he grumbled, as he snatched the last slice of bread.

  She sighed. “I meant what I said about you needing to shape up. You have to take care of yourself. I don’t like the excessive drinking—it worries me for your health and safety. Regardless of what we are or aren’t, you’re still going to be a father. I can’t have a drunk in my--” she paused. “I mean, in our baby’s life.”

  His tortured gaze held hers as he chewed. “So I can still be in Noah’s life, just not yours?”

  Not knowing how to respond, she pushed her salad around with her fork. “Em?” Aidan pressed.

  “I would never keep you away from Noah if you truly wanted to be a part of his life.”

  Jenny interrupted them by bringing their plates. “Everything okay so far?”

  Emma forced a smile at the almost loaded meaning of the question. “It’s delicious thank you.”

  “I’d like some more bread,” Aidan said.

  Jenny nodded. “I’ll take care of it.”

  They fell into silence again. “You need to eat your salad,” Aidan finally said.

  “Oh, so now you’re telling me to eat?”

  “You’re supposed to be eating a lot of green, leafy vegetables for the folic acid.”

  She arched her brows in surprise. “And just how do you know that?”

  Through a mouthful of baked potato, he said, “What to Expect While You’re Expecting.”

  Her heartbeat thundered in her chest so loud she was sure he could hear it. “You actually read the book I gave you?”

  He bobbed his head as he shoveled in a bite of steak. “Read some others too,” he muttered between chewing.

  She stared at him in disbelief. When he finally looked at her and not his plate, he grinned. “So eat your salad.”

  Pursing her lips, she glared at him for a moment before picking up her fork. Once she filled her mouth with an enormous bite of lettuce, she mumbled, “Happy?”

  “Mmm, hmm. Eat your steak too. Noah needs his protein.”

  Emma snorted exasperatedly but did as she was told. When she cleaned her salad plate, Aidan clapped for her. She laughed in spite of herself. “I don’t think two people have ever been so obsessed with one meal,” she mused.

  “I guess we both benefit from having someone take care of us.”

  “Maybe,” she murmured.

  After pushing his empty plate out of the way, Aidan’s expression grew grave. “I need to tell you the truth about what happened with Amy.”

  “I already know.” At Aidan’s puzzled expression, she replied, “Becky told me about how you tried for a year to get her back. How you became an alcoholic…had to go to therapy. It really doesn’t affect us.”

  Aidan cringed. “Yeah, well, that’s only half of the story.”

  A chill ran over Emma, causing her to shudder. “What do you mean?”

  “Only Amy, Pop, and I know the real truth.” He downed the rest of his beer and shook the bottle at the waitress as she passed by.

  “So tell me,” Emma prompted.

  “After all of our years together, Amy was desperate for us to get married.” He drew in a ragged breath. “She was so desperate that she went as far as to try to trap me into marrying her.”

  The world tilted and spun around Emma. “You mean…”

  “Yes, she was pregnant.”

  Her hand flew to her mouth. “Oh my God.”

  “The second time we got back together we weren’t swimming competitively, so she started broaching the subject of not doing double the contraception anymore. After awhile, she finally wore me down. She was on birth control, so I figured that was enough. I stopped using condoms.”

  Emma arched her eyebrows at his admission. “You told me I was the first woman you’d ever been inside of without a condom.”

  He scowled at her. “Yeah, well, excuse me if I thought it would have totally fucked up the moment by admitting that after going off condoms just twice, my ex-girlfriend got pregnant.” He gave a bark of a laugh at Emma’s gasp. “Yeah, I’m pretty potent, huh? That’s how I knew I would be a good candidate to knock you up.”

  “That’s a disgusting way of putting it,” Emma hissed.

  Aidan’s expression softened. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”

  “Anyway, so Amy got pregnant on birth control?”

  A bitter smile then twisted on his face. “Oh no. An accidental pregnancy? That would have been easy to forgive. After all, the fucking directions on the box even admit it’s only 98% effective.” His fingers ripped at the label on his beer. “Nope. A year into us being back together and me running like hell from any commitment, she stopped taking her birth control without my knowledge.”

  “Oh Aidan,” Emma murmured. She didn’t know what else to say. “So you’re trying to tell me you have a child out there somewhere?”

  The angry expression drained off his face and was replaced by one of absolute sorrow. “I wish that were the case.”

  Emma couldn’t help but reach across the table and take his hand in hers. “What happened?” she prodded.

  The waitress returned with his beer, and Aidan drowned half of it before speaking again. “A few weeks before I found out she was pregnant, Amy and I had been out partying with some friends, and I got plastered. That night as I was digging around in the medicine cabinet for some Advil, I accidentally knocked her birth control in the sink. You can imagine how surprised I was when it was unused, not to mention the prescription hadn’t been refilled in two months. When I confronted her, she admitted she’d stopped taking it because she thought a baby would solidify our relationship.”

  Aidan shuddered. “I was furious. I packed my things and left for my parents. I refused to talk to her or see her.” He leaned forward on his elbows. “Kinda like what you’ve been doing to me.”

  Emma rolled her eyes. “Finish the damn story, Aidan.”

  He held up his hands. “Fine then. She eventually came to my office and showed me the pregnancy test.” He gave Emma a sad smile. “The fact that the Amy I thought I knew and loved had betrayed me by trapping me into getting married was terrible, but the worst part was the fact I was scared out of my freaking mind at the prospect of being a father at twenty-four.” He took two long pulls from his beer. “I’m sure you can imagine what happened next.”

  Her stomach turned at the prospect. “Go on,” she instructed.

  He sneered at her. “You want me to actually say the words?”

  “Fine. That’s when Amy caught you screwing another woman.”


  “Yes,” he croaked.

  Emma narrowed her eyes. “Wow, I guess we have a lot in common. Maybe we should get t-shirts that say, ‘We were both fucked over by Aidan Fitzgerald’!”

  “Em, please,” he begged.

  She huffed out an exasperated breath. “Fine. Continue.”

  “Amy threw me out of the house that night. The next morning I went back over and tried to reason with her. I told her I was sorry, that I loved her, and that in spite of what had happened between her trying to trap me and then me screwing someone else, I still wanted to marry her. She wouldn’t have it. She got into the car and sped away.”

  Emma’s brows shot up in surprise at the tears sparkling in Aidan’s eyes. “She ran a stop sign in the subdivision trying to get away from me. A car smashed into the driver’s side. Thankfully, she walked away with just a few scrapes and bruises.” His chest rose and fell in harsh pants. “But she miscarried later that day.”

  Involuntarily, Emma reached out and took Aidan’s hand in hers again. His expression, his tears, and his words broke her heart. All the pieces of his puzzle finally fell into place.

  “All these years you’ve felt guilty about the baby, haven’t you?”

  He nodded, swiping the tears from his cheeks. “I never wanted it, and then I…killed it.” He started sobbing then. Emma chewed her lip and fought herself from rising out of the booth and going over to him. Her better judgment lost out, and she found herself cradling him in her arms. The old Aidan she knew would never have cried, least of all in public. He was absolutely broken by the ghosts of the past and present.

  She rubbed wide circles over his back. “You’re not to blame for what happened with the baby, Aidan, any more than Amy is just because she was driving too fast and ran the stop sign. Accidents happen.”

  Raising his head, he swiped the tears from his cheeks. “Accidents may happen, but people never forget them…or forgive them.”

  Emma ignored the double meaning of his statement in regards to her. “I’m sure time has helped to heal any bad feelings Amy had for you. I’m sure she’s struggled with her own guilt over what she did to you by trying to trap you.”

  He shrugged. “I hope so. She certainly helped to screw me up for every other woman.” His blue eyes honed in on hers. “Maybe it’s me who can’t forgive. If it hadn’t been for her, maybe I wouldn’t have fucked things up so epically with you.”

  “Maybe,” she murmured.

  His fingers came to grip her chin. Tilting her gaze up to meet his, he shook his head. “For the most part, our proposition was about me getting the chance to have sex with you, and I did promise my late mother I would one day have children. But it was also about being able to find redemption with myself…and with God. I thought if I could help you bring a baby into the world, it might take away the hurt of the past.”

  Emma’s mouth dropped open in surprise. For a few moments, she could only stare at him in utter and complete shock. All this time he really had possessed a deeper, more admirable desire for wanting to be her sperm donor.

  “Do you hate me now because of that?”

  She shook her head wildly back and forth. “No, how could you even think that?”

  “It’s just you were staring at me and not saying anything. I thought you might feel used or deceived.”

  “That’s not it at all. In fact, I was thinking much more highly of you because of what you told me.”

  “Really?”

  “I’m glad having Noah is a way you feel you can repent for what you did. It’s never too late for redemption, Aidan.”

  A hopeful look entered his tortured eyes. “I’d give anything and everything in this world to redeem myself with you. Just please, please give me the chance.”

  Emma couldn’t hold the intensity of his desperate gaze any longer. Staring down at her lap, she fought to breathe. Her mind whirled with trying to process her out of control thoughts while her chest heaved with emotion. Did she really want to give him the chance to redeem himself? Could she actually do that to herself and her heart? And if she denied him, how was she even to have him a part of Noah’s life without letting her feelings get in the way?

  “Please, Em,” he begged.

  “I guess I can try,” she finally replied. When she glanced back up at him, his blue eyes shone with determination. “I’m not making any promises.”

  He smiled. “I can take that—I can take whatever you’re willing to give me.”

  Jenny interrupted them by bringing over their check. “Would you like some dessert?”

  Emma laughed when she appeared to be asking her more than Aidan. She patted her very full belly. “No, I think I’m good.”

  Aidan swept his hand inside his jacket pocket for his wallet. Without even glancing at the bill, he stuffed a wad of cash in the envelope. When Jenny started to protest at his generosity, he shook his head. “I owe a lot more than that to you and your dad for taking care of me in the last few weeks.”

  “We were happy to do it.” Jenny leaned over and gave Aidan a quick hug. “Just promise to take care of yourself, and we’ll call it even, okay?”

  He nodded as his eyes burned into Emma’s. “I’m already feeling like my old self again.”

  She cocked her eyebrows at him. “Let’s hope that’s not every aspect of your old self,” she said, rising out of the booth.

  “Damn, Em, do you always have to shred me with those freakin’ claws of yours?” he grumbled as he stood up.

  Jenny threw a worried glance between the two of them before forcing a smile to her face. “Well, I hope to see you guys again soon.”

  Emma gave Jenny a reassuring smile. “Thanks you.” After giving her a quick hug, she started out of the bar. Aidan hurried to catch up with her. He stepped in front of her just before she could open the door.

  “Thank you,” she mumbled, trying to ignore the little zap of electricity she felt when his body touched hers. She edged away from him as they started back to his car. The drive over to the VFW was silent except for the muted sound of the radio playing love songs that were like spikes to her broken heart.

  When they pulled up to her abandoned car, she didn’t want to leave him. Her brain screamed for her to pick up her hands and feet and get going. Finally, as her hand reached for the door handle, Aidan grabbed her shoulder. “Wait!” he cried.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Aidan’s chest tightened at the prospect of letting Emma out of his sight for even a second. They had come so far in the last few hours he was afraid it might all fade like a dream if they didn’t remain together. He was desperate for anything to keep her with him. A thought flashed in his mind, and he blurted, “Can I see Beau?”

  Emma stared down at her lap. He could tell she was raging a battle within herself about whether to let him come over. “Please?” he pressed.

  Her shoulders sagged, but she raised her head and smiled. “Of course. I mean, he does miss you.”

  Aidan gave a bark of a laugh. “I doubt it. He chose you over me, didn’t he?” He was then assaulted with the painful memory of the night Emma caught him with Heather. The sight of Beau running after Emma, nudging her stomach and whining to go with her, cut through to his heart the same way it did that night. Shuddering, he forced a smile to his face. “I’m sure he’s too busy eating table scraps and lying around on your couch to miss me.”

  “No, he really does. After all, you were his daddy for two years.”

  “Good because I’ve missed him.” He leaned over the gearshift towards her. “I’ve missed him every moment of every day.” Her green eyes widened both at his proximity and the fact that they both knew he wasn’t talking about Beau anymore. The electricity crackled all around the two of them.

  “You can follow me home.”

  “Thank you.”

  He waited until she was safely in her car and cranked up before he pulled out of the parking space. On the way to her house, his fingers drummed anxiously against the steering wheel. Even
though it wasn’t more than ten minutes, he couldn’t seem to get there fast enough. Hope pulsed through him that she might finally forgive him and fully let him back into her life.

  As he started to pull into the driveway, a yard sign caught his eye. Squinting in the darkness, he gasped at the recognition of the realty sign. The words For Sale sent a stake through his heart. Animosity overwrought the amorous feelings he had pulsing through him.

  He screeched to stop barely off the road. His blood pounded in his ears as he clambered out of the car and slammed the door. He was at Emma’s side before she had time to close hers. “YOU’RE MOVING?”

  Shrinking from his anger, she pressed herself against the car. “Yes,” she whispered.

  Shame washed over him that his reaction had frightened her. “I’m sorry for shouting at you, but how could you not tell me?”

  “I was going to,” she argued

  “When? The day the moving van came? Christ, Emma, we’ve been together all night! I unveiled my heart and soul, yet you couldn’t manage to tell me this one little detail?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He was afraid to ask the next question because deep down he already knew the answer. “And just where are you going?”

  “I’m moving back home—to Ellijay. I’m going to live with Grammy and Granddaddy for a while until the house sells, and then I might find a place of my own close by them. They’re getting older. Granddaddy fell off a ladder a week ago and just had to have hip replacement surgery. They need me, but more importantly, I need them.”

  He shook his head. “I won’t let you take my son from me!”